


I Won't Say I'm in Love

by 15ekaytert887



Series: Captain Swan Playlist [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Breakups, Captain Swan - Freeform, Drinking, F/M, Frankenwolf, Girls Night Out, Heartbreak, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Multi, Outlaw Queen - Freeform, Rumbelle - Freeform, Season/Series 04, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/15ekaytert887/pseuds/15ekaytert887
Summary: A girls night out leaves Emma with some revelations about her relationship with HookInspired by Alan Menken and David  Zippel's "I Wont Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney's Hercules





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So Last night I decided to watch Hercules as a way to try and get my mind OFF my now constant obsession with reading and writing all things Captain Swan. Ill admit at first it was going pretty well, it was hard to see Hades and Zeus and NOT think of Killian and Emma but I persevered, determined to think about something other than them for a little while, and like I said it was going ok as far as distractions go. Hercules is a great movie and I had forgotten just how much I liked it. However that's when I got to THAT scene and all my good intentions of ignoring my CS muses flew out the window. All I could see was Emma drinking at the Rabbit Hole with Regina Ruby Snow and Belle and refusing to admit how she feels about Hook. After that I basically just turned off the movie and wrote until this was finished. So there you go. My honest to god attempt to get my mind off my OTP resulting in another one shot. Obviously much of the dialogue was taken directly from the song because I just couldn't help myself.

“If there's a prize for rotten judgment I guess I've won that.” Belle said looking gloomily into her glass before taking a sip of her beer. 

“Belle, If there's a prize for rotten judgment I KNOW I've ALREADY won that.” Emma said to her as she clinked her glass with Belles and downed a large swig of her own drink. 

“No man is worth the aggravation.” Ruby chimed in. 

“Agreed.” Regina agreed and all four women raised their glasses in a toast. 

The last couple of weeks had been rough on everyone in the romantic department. Belle had banished Gold with his own dagger, Robin had left for New York leaving Regina alone, and Ruby had been cheated on by Whale. The only people who's love lives hadn’t sucked were Emma and Mary Margaret's. However both Killian and David had gone on a fishing trip with Henry for a few days and Emma found herself feeling miserable without them. She tried to convince herself that she just missed Henry and her father – and she DID miss them—but she was missing the pirate just as much if not more and that scared the hell out of her. So when her mother had suggested a girls night out Emma had jumped at the chance to get hammered and not think about how much she missed Killian or what missing him that much might mean. 

“I thought you and Killian were doing well?” Belle asked sympathetically after their toast. 

“Wasn't talking about him.” Emma said flatly, avoiding her friends gazes. Even after everything that had happened between them at times Emma still found it hard to forgive Neal for what he'd done. For so long she had seen him as the biggest mistake of her life but now she couldn't say that because being with him had given her Henry. However despite the fact that Emma understood why he left it didn't change the fact that he had still nearly ruined her life and broken her heart. She couldn't help but still feel bitter at times about it. 

“Then who were you talking about Miss Swan?” Regina asked her. 

“Neal.” Emma replied before she could stop herself. 

“Oooh I hear a juicy story coming!” Ruby laughed and Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head no. 

Ruby whined “Oh come on Emma, tell us! I told you guys everything about me and Vic!” 

It was true, earlier that evening Ruby had told the four other women everything that had happened between her and Whale, and with more detail than Emma had needed or wanted. Essentially Whale had proposed to Ruby last week and she had excitedly excepted. Then not two days later Ruby had walked in on Whale having a three way with two of the nurses from the hospital. Whale should be thanking his lucky stars that the wolf had let him off easy with only a handful of scars and a missing chunk from his right leg instead of simply eating him alive. However once Ruby had finished telling them all what had happened Emma couldn’t even tell what Ruby was more upset about; the fact that the man she had loved and agreed to marry had cheated on her, or the fact that he hadn't wanted her to join in on the three way, because Ruby appeared to be vehemently pissed about both. 

“Please! I need something to get my mind of of it.” Ruby begged again “every time I close my eye I see him humping that chicks brains out while his mouth was buried in the other girls p—“

“Alright, alright! I'll tell you just PLEASE stop talking!” Emma pleaded cutting her friend off before she could finish her sentence. Ruby immediately snapped her mouth shut and waited for Emma to start. 

Emma took another large chug of her beer and then went on to tell her friends about the worst relationship and subsequent breakup of her life. How her and Neal had met by her stealing his already stolen car. How she had fallen in love with him living on the run and stealing whatever they wanted as a way of getting by. How they had planned on going to Tallahassee together. Of how he had set her up and and let her go to jail for his crime. And finally of course how she had learned she was pregnant and given birth to Henry while handcuffed to a hospital bed.

When she was done Emma was met with three stunned stares and her mother had wrapped her arms around her, her eyes full of tears. 

“Oh Emma I’m so sorry!” She said hugging her closer “You're father and I would never have pushed so hard if we had known. Why didn't you ever say anything?” Snow asked once she pulled away. 

“It was ancient history. You know been there done that. That sort of thing.” Emma said trying to remain as nonchalant as she could even though recanting the story had brought back her old feelings of being abandoned. She could feel the steel of the hand cuffs and hear her sons wails.

“Well I for one am glad that you and Killian found each other. You seem to make one another very happy.” Belle said sweetly. Despite her best efforts Emma felt a rush of warmth and joy run through her at the sound of Killian's name, pushing away all the bad memories in a single instance. 

Emma felt a warm blush spread across her cheeks “Yeah, we do.” She admitted looking down coyly at her drink. 

“Oohh girl I know that look! You've got it bad!” Ruby squealed. 

“Got what?” Emma questioned with a roll of her eyes 

“Isn't it obvious!? You’re totally in love with the pirate!” Ruby said excitedly. 

Emma blanched at that. She was not in love with Killian Jones. Sure he was her first real boyfriend sense Neal and sure he made her happy almost all the time and sure she's missed him like crazy these past few days but that didn't mean she LOVED him. They had only been together for a month for Christ sake! Besides Emma didn’t do love, not after everything she'd been through. Her heart had learned its lesson the hard way. Love only got you hurt. She liked Killian, she liked him a lot, more than she had originally wanted to. That's why she had pushed him away so much. However pushing him away had become utterly exhausting and so she gave into her affection for the man. She cared for him a great deal but there was a huge difference between caring for someone and being in love with them and Emma needed to be sure to remember that. At the beginning of their relationship Emma had sat herself down and had a long talk with herself. She had decided that she would allow herself to care for him but she was not going to allow herself to fall in love with the man. 

However not falling head over heels in love with Killian Jones was easier said then done. Relationships always felt good when they started out. The romance, the fun learning about each other, the mind blowing sex. It was pure bliss. But it wasn't just the excitement of an actual relationship that left Emma's head and heart spinning it was Killian himself. The way he seemed to perfectly blend the dastardly pirate and respectful gentleman. The way his face lit up when she walked into a room. The way he kissed her. The way he treated her as an equal. The way he was with Henry. But most of all the way he made Emma feel like just being herself was enough. For the first time in her life Emma was truly happy. However being happy had always sounded the alarms in Emma's head. She was constantly finding herself practically screaming to get a better grip on her emotions. If she didn't she was only going to get hurt again. 

“No I'm not!” Emma said with a shake of her head. 

“Honey, yes you are.” Snow said with gentle excitement, reaching for Emma’s hand and squeezing it. “I know that grin, I had it all over my own face when I met your father. You're in love. It's ok to admit it.” 

Emma just scowled at her. “Mom the first time you met dad you hit him in the face with a rock.” She reminded her mother. 

“Oh yeah,” Snow mused like she had somehow forgotten that vital tidbit of her true love story. Ruby laughed while Regina made an amused noise. “I guess the grin must have come later. But either way that's the face of someone in love.” 

Emma scowled deeper and pulled her hand away. “I'm not in love ok. Yeah Hook makes me happy but I don't do love. I have no desire to cry my heart out.” She said matter of factly reaching for her beer and taking taking a long sip. 

“Just because you love someone doesn't mean it will end badly.” Her mother said soothingly. 

Emma just looked at her like she had lost her mind “Uh mom, do you even remember WHY we're all out drinking right now? Being in love never ends well.” She said pointedly. At her words Belle flinched, Ruby scowled and Regina's face hardened making Emma feel terrible for what she had just said. They were supposed to be having fun tonight, not reveling in the pain of lost loves. 

“Sorry.” Emma said sincerely, turning to the women. “I didn't mean it like that.” She added. 

“It's ok.” Ruby said a bit glumly while Snow patted Belle on the knee who looked like she was close to tears. The next couple minutes were filled with an awkward silence as the five women sipped at their drinks, lost in their own swirling thoughts and emotions. 

It was Ruby who finally broke it. “I don't know about you but I could use a pick me up. Shots?” 

“Definitely.” Regina said, however Emma could tell that she was still upset. 

After the women had downed their shots the mood lightened and they all went back to laughing and swapping stories. Suddenly Emma felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She had no idea who it could be. Everyone who frequently texted or called her was either sitting right there or was out of town on a fishing trip, however she was delighted to see that it was a txt from Henry. 

Where are you? - H

Where are YOU? I thought you weren't going to have service until you got back tomorrow – ES

I'm at the loft. We came back early, grandpa was starting to get seasick. But before that it was so much fun! – H

Why aren't you or grandma home – H

Glad to hear you had fun kid. We thought you boys wouldn't be here so we're having a girls night with your mom Belle and Ruby. – ES

Ok cool I'm going to sleep at my moms tonight. No offense but after a couple days on that boat I want to sleep on a real bed and not an air mattress. See you tomorrow – H

Ok love you. Make sure you txt Regina and let her know that you're home safe and that your staying with her – ES 

K. – H 

Emma let out a sigh of relief. Her boys were back, safe and sound. A smile spread across her face when she realized that with Henry staying at Regina's she could see Killian tonight. She suddenly very much wanted to leave and go find her pirate. 

“Who are you thinking about?” Ruby asked slyly. 

“Nothing, no one.” Emma answered, quickly wiping the dopey smile she knew she was wearing off her face and downing the rest of her beer. 

“Who was that?” The wolf girl continued. 

“My son.” Emma said defensively. 

“Is everything alright? I thought he wasn't supposed to have service until they came back tomorrow.” Regina said worriedly “Something I am still NOT ok with.” She added. 

“Apparently my dad was getting seasick so they came home early.” Emma said with a shrug. 

“Oh Charming…” Snow giggle. 

“He just texted me asking why I wasn’t at the loft and I said we were out. I told him to let you know he was home though. ” Emma nodded towards Regina and as if on cue her the queens phone buzzed. “Anyway he said they're fine and that he wants to stay with you tonight.” 

Regina nodded in agreement as she checked her own messages and then sent out a quick message to her son in a reply before shoving the phone back in her bag. 

“Should we be getting home then?” Snow asked and Emma tried to keep the excited smile from her face at the suggestion. She wanted to see Killian. She had missed him so much these past few days and with Henry at Regina's they had the whole night to spend together…

“No please don't go yet!” Ruby pleaded “it's not fair that y'all have guys to go home to when I don't. Besides I'm having fun!” 

Emma rolled her eyes at that “Ruby if you wanted you could go home with any guy you like.” She said whilst eyeing her friends tight, low cut, red dress that exposed more skin than not. 

“The only way I'm going home with a man tonight is if Belle does too.” Ruby said stubbornly. 

“Ruby you don't have to do that.” Belle said “Its very sweet but I'm just not ready yet and I don’t want to keep you from having fun.” 

“Nope, its ladies night and I'm not about to leave a sister hanging. So you three are going to stay here and drink with me and Belle until we cant remember our own names let alone the bastards who broke our hearts.” Ruby said defiantly. 

Emma was about to tell Ruby ‘no’ that she was going to go home and she would see them all later when she heard someone behind her exclaim “See! I told you I would always find them.” 

Emma looked up in time to see David come around the table and kiss her mother quickly yet passionately but before she could get grossed out by the sight she felt two strong leather clad arms envelope her and she felt herself melting into them. Killian was back. She was back in his arms and everything once again felt right with the world.

“That’s not as impressive of a trick as you think your majesty,” Killian chided as he held Emma tightly “there's only so many places in this bloody town they could've been. We were bound to find them at some point.” Emma saw her father roll his eyes but otherwise ignore her Pirates words. 

Emma sighed contently, breathing in the musky smell of leather, rum and the sea that her boyfriend always had and tried not to think about how he must taste. Emma sank further into him before looking up into his face. He was smirking down at her.

“Fancy meeting you here love.” He said. 

“You to Captain.” Emma replied playfully, “Are you perhaps here looking for that damn bar wench you once kissed, hoping to finish what you started?” 

Killian held her tighter and brought his mouth to her ear “Always.” He whispered, his lips brushing the outer shell of her ear making Emma shiver deliciously. He had just pressed his lips to her neck when Ruby piped up.

“No no, none of that! We're having a girls night out. No men allowed, now shoo pirate! That goes for you to David.” She added with a slightly more sympathetic voice than she had had when addressing Killian. 

Killian (who had started to play with Emma's hair) glanced up at the sound of her voice, looking as if he was just now realizing that there were other people sitting at the table besides Emma. 

“Evening lasses.” He said to them with a slight nod but before bringing his attention right back on Emma and her golden locks. 

“Hey David, Killian, glad your back.” Belle said fondly. Regina simply nodded at them. 

“Glad to be back.” Killian replied without looking at her as he spun Emma around in her seat to face him and then moving so that he was standing between her legs. His face was still lit up in a delightful smirk and he rested his hand and hook at her hips. 

“C’mon Hook let the ladies have their fun. I'll buy you a drink.” David said reluctantly as he clapped the him on the shoulder. 

“Yeah… I'll be there in a minute Dave.” Killian said still not taking his eyes off Emma. 

David huffed but gave Snow a quick kiss on the head and then headed towards the bar, clearly not wanting to be around to witness his daughter and a pirate making eyes at each other. 

“Go, you heard Ruby and my dad.” Emma said nudging him but there was no force to her words “get out of here pirate.” She laughed and nudged him again. 

“I will once I get what I came here for.” He said his blue eyes boring into hers. 

“Yeah and what's that?” Emma teased although she had a pretty good idea. 

“This.” Killian said. He suddenly surged forward and crushed his lips to hers. Kissing her passionately in a way that was probably more appropriate in the privacy of his room at Granny's then in front of Emma's friends and family but Emma couldn't find it in herself to care. She wanted to blame it on the alcohol still buzzing throughout in her system but in truth it wasn't that. Killian was kissing her like he needed her to breathe and Emma had missed him so much in the short few days they were parted so she kissed him back with the same amount of vigor and intensity. His hand was tangled in her hair and his Hook was at her waist pulling her towards him even as his body was pressed flush with hers. 

Finally they heard an obvious cough along with a disgusted grumble and a laugh of amusement, and Killian pulled back from Emma's lips. However he continued the physical contact by resting his forehead against hers as they caught their breath. His hand came down to stroke her cheek reverently. 

“Missed you.” He breathed out quietly, his voice full of an emotion Emma didn't want to name.

Normally Emma would crack a joke right about now. Use sarcasm to deflect and say “I never would have guessed” or something of the like, but right now she was as equally as drunk on Killian's kiss as she was on the alcohol and she heard herself whisper “I missed you too.” with far more longing and emotion than she usually allowed herself to feel let alone say aloud. 

Killian's brilliant smile as he pulled away made Emma's heart sing. He nodded one more time at the others then took Emma's hand and kissed it before finally leaving to meet her father at the bar. 

Emma let out a loud huff as she floated back down to earth. She took a deep breathe trying to clear her head of Killian. The way he tasted against her tongue. The way he smelled when she breathed him in. The way he touched her with such care yet still made her burn. She took another deep breathe and turned back in her stool to see her family and friends smirking at her. 

“What?” Emma asked, a little taken back by their looks. 

“I knew it!” Ruby crowed out loud enough Emma was sure the entire bar could here her “You love him!” 

Emma blushed scarlet, “I do not!” She hissed to her friend “and could you keep your voice down?” She hazard a look over to Killian praying he hadn't heard. When she saw him talking animatedly with one of the merry men she let out a sigh, he obviously hadn't heard a thing.

“Seriously Ems, who do you think your kidding?!” Ruby nearly cackled with glee. “We all saw you practically hit the ceiling just now when he kissed you.” Emma shook her head. She had hoped this conversation had been over but apparently it wasn't. 

“Emma you look at him like he's the earth and heaven to you.” Belle pipped in. Emma shot her a look that clearly screamed ‘traitor’ but the woman merely smiled sweetly at her in response.

“I'm not drunk enough for this conversation.” Emma grumbled. 

“I can fix that.” Regina said and with a wave of her hand Emma's empty beer mug was replaced with a margarita. 

“Regina!” Snow scoffed. 

“What?” Regina asked all to innocently as she sipped her own martini that she had apparently pooffed herself as well. Emma also saw that she had magicked another jack and coke for Ruby as well as bloody Mary's for Snow and Belle.

“That's stealing!” Snow insisted. 

“Fine.” The Queen answered and with another flick of her wrist Emma saw a smile pile of bills appear on the bar across the room. “Happy?” She asked and Snow begrudgingly nodded. 

Emma took a hesitant sip of her drink hoping it wasn't poisoned. She didn't think Regina would try and kill her again but one could never be to careful when it came to her. Emma was still one of the reasons Robin had left after all. If Emma hadn't brought back Marion in the first place Robin wouldn't have been forced to leave in order to save her from freezing and Regina would still have been happy with him. However Emma found that not only was her drink not poisoned but it was entirely delicious. She took another big sip. 

“You ever think about hanging up the mayors sash and opening a bar?” She asked hoping to distract from their last topic with flattery “cuz you make one hell of a drink.” 

Regina rolled her eyes “if I ever stoop so low that my only lot in life is to open an establishment such as THIS” she looked around her in disdain “then please put me out of my misery.” Emma laughed and took another sip of her drink. “However we aren't talking about me right now we're talking about you, savior.” Regina eyed her wickedly and Emma gulped down another sip of her margarita. Her flattery obviously hadn't worked and now she was right back to exactly where she didn't want to be. Discussing her feelings. 

“I really don't know why you are all so determined to believe that I'm in—in—“ she couldn't even say the words. 

“In love with Killian.” Her mother finished for her. Emma grimaced. 

“Right, that...but anyways I'm not. What even makes you guys think that I am anyway?” Emma asked, falling back on her old bail bonds tactics; evidence. The only evidence love left behind was a broken heart but someone couldn't exactly show you that so she knew her friends would be stumped in forms of giving her any kind of physical proof. 

“Until you can give me physical evidence I won't say I'm in love with anyone.” Emma smirked knowing she had her friends trapped. 

But to her surprise and dismay Ruby just snorted “Where do I even begin?” She said “You swoon.” She said matter of factly 

“You sigh.” Belle added. 

“The grin.” He mother reminded her. 

“That's not proof…” Emma grumbled, looking away from them and taking another sip of her drink. She was DEFINITELY not drunk enough for this. 

“When will you learn that you can't keep denying who you are and how you're feeling?” Regina said somewhat exasperatedly “It was the same thing with accepting that you are the savior. Look just face it like a grown up and own up to the fact that you've got it bad for the handless wonder.” She said with a roll of her eyes and a sip of her drink. 

“No I don't!” Emma insisted. “This is such a cliché you know that?” She said taking another sip of her drink. 

“What is?” Belle asked her curriously. 

“This,” Emma gestured between the five of them. “You all sitting around trying to get me to say I'm in love with Killian. It's like a scene from a bad rom com but it's not going to play out the way you think. I will never admit to being in love with anyone, simply because it's not true.” 

“If your not in love then what do you think you are?” Ruby goaded. 

Emma threw her hands up in the air, frustrated. “I don't know!” She said “Having fun? Being happy? What's so wrong with that? Why does there have to be so many feelings that go along with it?” She demanded crossing her arms across her chest. 

“Oh there doesn't.” Ruby quickly replied “but it's just not what you have in your case.” She gave her a wolffish smirk. 

Emma honest to god felt like sticking her tounge out at her friends. Why were they acting like this? It's like they were in middle school and teasing her over some crush she had. A small part of Emma that had never experienced this in her life enjoyed the normal, almost right of passage like, moment she was having that she hadn't when she was younger. However a much bigger part of her was annoyed as hell at them for not just dropping the subject and getting off her case about it. 

Emma's eyes began to wonder, wanting to look anywhere but at the expectant women sitting at the table before her. Her eyes caught Killian's gaze who had been staring at her in what could only be described as awe and wonderment. When he realized he had been caught though he smirked and winked playfully at her, nodding his head to the rear of the establishment and raising his eyebrow in question. Emma knew what he wanted, she wanted it too, but he wasn't going to get it. Not tonight. Not with her family so close by. She smiled and simply rolled her eyes and shook her head ever so slightly at him, only to laugh a little and grin even wider at his playful pout in response.

If Emma hadn't been so absorbed in her silent conversation across the bar with Killian she would have seen her friends following her gaze suspiciously and she certainly would have seen Ruby snatch Belle’s phone off the table to take a picture. However Emma WASN’T paying attention or really even aware at the moment that other people even existed outside of her and Killian. So when Ruby snapped the picture directly in Emma's face she was momentarily blinded. 

“What the hell!?” Emma asked shaking her head back and forth trying to clear her suddenly spotty vision. 

“You wanted proof you're in love, I'll show you proof.” Ruby said showing Emma the picture. 

Emma squinted at it still unable to see very clearly from Ruby's sudden assault to her eyeballs. 

“So what it's me?” Emma asked not understanding what ‘proof’ Ruby was talking about. 

Ruby rolled her eyes “Seriously Ems who do you think your kidding? I get that you're trying to conceal the that your in love from everyone—maybe even yourself—but you can't conceal THAT.” Ruby pointed again at the picture of Emma on the phone. 

Emma took a closer look at the image and with the spots in her vision finally beginning to clear she saw what Ruby must have been referring to. Was that really her? If her eyes weren't still adjusting from the flash she wouldn't have believed it. It sure as hell looked like her. The woman had the same blonde hair, the saw nose and the same chin as Emma. She was even wearing the exact same shirt and had drank the same amount of her margarita as Emma had. But the look in her eyes was something Emma had never before seen on her face. It was soft and open, no pain or walls visible in the deep green. They glinted with the tiniest bit of mischief and mirth as well as amusement but over all they had the same emotion in them that her mother did whenever she looked at Emma's father. The same look Killian had every time he looked at Emma. 

Love. 

Love and adoration, clear as day shined from Emma's eyes in a way she had never seen herself look, not even with Neal. 

And it scared the absolute shit out of her. 

It scared her because this wasn't her life. She didn't get happy endings with fairytale princes (or in her case Pirates.) Something was going to happen. The other shoe was going to drop and she would be left more broken than before. In that instance Emma considered running. Of breaking things off with Killian and never seeing him again. Walk away before he had the chance to break her heart. But the thought of a life without him was so painful Emma had to keep herself from collapsing onto the floor. She couldn't go anywhere, not without him. So Emma did the only thing she could think of in order to save herself. She clung to her denial. 

Emma quickly brushed Ruby and the phone with the picture of Emma with love in her eyes aside and took a long sip of her drink. 

“No.” Emma stated again, proud that her voice only shook ever so slightly. She took a deep breathe steadying herself completely. “Nope. Not a chance.” She said her voice back to normal. 

“Honey,” Snow began, then hesitated but something in Emma's face must have convinced her to continue “you’re not as hard to read as you think you are, especially when it comes to you and Hook. We can see right through your denial even if you can't. You love him.” She said gently. 

“I know how you're feeling Emma.” Belle said sincerely reaching across the table for Emma's hand “With everything that Rumple did at first I was afraid to love again but then I realized that I can't let fear rule my life forever. I may not be quite ready to go and track down a new love for myself but that doesn't mean that I would walk away if one showed up on my doorstep.” She said kindly. 

“Basically what we're saying miss swan is that we're not buying your crap about not being in love for one second.” Regina said with her usual amount of tact, lightening the mood from the emotional statements Belle and Snow had just made. “So you may as well just give up or give in or whatever you have to do and admit it. It will just be easier for everyone in the long run.” She added. 

“You guys are way off base, you know that?” Emma said with a roll of her eyes. There was no way in hell she was going to admit to anything, even if what they were saying might be true. But she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they had gotten to her. It was a point of pride at this point. 

“Well, we'll just keep pestering you about it until you finally admit to it.” Ruby smirked at her. 

“Not a chance.” Emma said with a prideful smile. 

Finally FINALLY her friends seemed to get that Emma was more than done talking about this subject for the night and they moved on to discussing how Belle was doing with getting the fairies out of the hat. 

 

Emma could feeling herself waining. Regina had left after polishing off her third martini, claiming that she wanted to see Henry before he went to bed, leaving the other women there with their drinks. 

Emma could feel herself beginning to drag as well. It had been a night of slight emotional upheaval for her and all she wanted was Killian to take her home. She searched him out once again across the now thinning bar crowed. He and David were on the farthest end of the bar by the jutebox and talking with Will Scarlet of all people as well as some scantily clad woman who was eyeing Killian like she wanted to wrap him up and take him home with her. However when Killian looked up and met Emmas gaze Emma saw the same look in his eyes he always had for her. The same look that Emma had seen in her own eyes on Belles phone. 

However Killians current expression also clearly read “HELP ME!” causing Emma to laugh and shake her head at him. Torturing him was too much fun to pass up on, no matter how ready she was to head home herself. She was more than willing to sit with her friends for a few more minutes just to make him squirm.

“Hey Belle, did you mean what you said about not turning down love if it showed up on your doorstep?” Ruby asked her friend as she also eyed Killian, David and Will. 

Belle shrugged “I mean I guess but I don't see that happening anytime soon.” 

“Maybe maybe not. I've been talking to Will Scarlet at the diner a lot recently and he's got like a massive crush on you.” Ruby said with a wolffish grin. 

“Really? Me?” Belle asked blushing like a school girl and looking behind her to see Will looking at her but he blushed and turned away quickly when he realized he'd been caught. 

“Yeah, you. He seems sweet but he said he didn't know if it was alright to ask you out considering…you know.” Ruby shrugged as if Belle commanding her husband to leave and never return with his own Dark One dagger had been as simple as any other break up. “But he's been glancing over at you all night. You should totally give him your number.” She suggested. 

“I don't know..,” Belle said obviously thinking it over. 

“Well decide because he's coming over now.” Ruby smirked. Emma looked up to see that she was right. Will, along with her father and Killian were now headed for their way, leaving the scantily clad brunette looking rather disappointed as she watched them leave. 

The men reached the table then and her father stood beside her mother while Snow leaned her head against his shoulder. Ruby made re introductions for Will and Belle and Killian came over and wrapped his arms tightly around Emma just as he had earlier. Emma didn't hesitate before sinking into them. 

Killian leaned in and whispered “Its bloody bad form ignoring a drowning man Swan.” 

Emma smirked “I don't know what you're talking about.” She said innocently. 

Killian's eyes burned with lust as he leaned in again. “Oh I think you do.” He said nipping at her earlobe. Emma jump ever so slightly. 

“Ready to go home love?” He asked and Emma simply nodded. She was so ready. 

 

Later that night Emma was lying awake in Killian's bed at Granny's. When they had gotten back to the room Killian had pounced on her before the door had even finished closing and Emma had had no complaints. They had had sex quite a few times in the last month or so but tonight was different. Emma didn't know if it was because Killian was acting differently or if it had always been like this and she was just now noticing it. The way kissed her like her never wanted to let her go. The way he held and touched her like she was a precious treasure. The way he said her name as if it were the holiest of prayers. The way he seemed to care more for her pleasure than his own, worshipping her body with his. But most of all the way he looked at her, like she was the only thing in the entire world that mattered or would ever matter again. It was much more like making love than sex had any right to. 

When he finally came it was with her name on his lips and immediately afterwards he had pulled her close and tucked her into his arms. Whispering sweet nothings into her hair until sleep had finally taken him. 

However Emma couldn't stop the racing thoughts inside her own head. IF what the girls had been saying tonight was true--that the look in her eyes meant that she was in love with Killian Jones--then there was a chance that he loved her too because he had that look in his eyes whenever he saw her. That fact alone was enough to make Emma's head spin. 

Emma gently traced the lines of Killians sleeping face, careful not to wake him. He had always been gorgeous but there was something beautiful about how he looked when he was asleep. The kohl worn and washed away and the plains of his face fully relaxed. He looked younger, as if he wasn't yet the man who had burdened so much pain and heartache over the years. Emma found something very intimate about watching him sleep. It was an act she hadn't ever really done with anyone else. The calm serenity on his face gave her a feeling of peace as well. 

Emma's phone suddenly buzzed and she reached for it, wondering who it could possibly be at this hour. She saw that it was a text from Belle. 

I thought you might want this. – B

Emma opened the attachment and saw that it was the picture of herself that Ruby had taken earlier. Once again Emma studied it, marveling at that undeniable look of love in her eyes. She looked back over at the sleeping pirate beside her. She again thought about everything she loved about him, about how much she had missed him when ever he was gone. How utterly terrifying it had been to watch Gold hold his heart in his hands, knowing that she couldn't do a thing to stop it and how terrified she still was of still somehow loosing him. She knew in her gut that she couldn't deny it anymore. 

Emma loved him. She loved him with all her heart and soul. She wasn't ready to tell him (she didn't know if she would ever be ready for that) and she didn't even feel like she could say it out loud yet. However for some unthinkable reason she wanted someone somewhere to know so that she didn't feel like she was being crushed under the weight of it all. 

Emma looked down at her phone again, at Belles message making a decision. She hit reply she typed in a short somewhat cryptic message hoping her friend would understand that Emma desperately needed to share her secret but that she was still unable to really put it into words, but it was the best she could do at the moment. 

Emma sighed and she tossed her phone onto the night stand. She looked back to Killian and smiled as he reached out to hold her tighter in his sleep as she curled his chest and Emma fell asleep in the arms of the man she loved. 

Across town Belle’s phone buzzed quietly and Belle smiled to herself as she read Emma's text. 

At least out loud I won't say I'm in love - ES


	2. Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyrical inspiration (just in case you somehow don't know this masterpiece of a song)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All lyrics written by Alan Menken, David Zippel and copyrighted by Disney

I Won't Say (I'm in Love)

If there's a prize for rotten judgment  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that  
Who d'you think you're kidding  
He's the earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey we can see right through you (Oh no)  
Girl, you can't conceal it  
We know how you're feeling  
Who you thinking of?  
No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no  
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, oh, oh  
It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love  
I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming "get a grip, girl"  
"Unless you're dying to cry your heart out"  
Girl, you can't deny it  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby we're not buying  
Hon we saw you hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad?  
No chance, no way, I won't say it, no no  
Give up, give in, check the grin, you're in love  
This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love  
We'll do it until you admit you're in love  
You're way off base, I won't say it  
Get off my case, I won't say it  
Girl don't be proud, it's okay you're in love  
At least out loud I won't say I'm in love

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. All your comments and kudos mean the world to me;)


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